Creating Worlds & Finding Time

I think I've always had my head in the clouds. For as long as I can remember, there have been worlds & stories rattling around in my imagination. Eventually those stories became ideas for games, and as I became a competent programmer I thought I would finally be able to make these worlds real. I would make music for them, since that came easiest, and spend a couple nights starting a project. But then that project would just... die.

I thought doing game jams would help teach me how to finish projects. I got pretty good at those, but still the "big idea" projects would never make it past the first week or so of inspiration. All the while I would dream of these worlds I wanted to share with others. I would share, ineloquently, all this with my wife. Around the new year I would come up with some big ultimatum about how "this time I'll actually finish something big", and then not.

This is embarrassing to write down.

If you know me at all you've probably heard me talk about my greatest fear, that I wont have enough time to do the things I want to do. You've probably also heard me say I could get into any hobby or topic. These two things do not go well together, since it means I have the impulse to start projects and fret about not finishing them.

I think I've finally accepted that my fears are partially based in reality. I won't have enough time if I want to do everything. I have to learn to be ok with that. God didn't make me to experience everything. I think that's what peace partially means for an artist (do I count as one?).

There is a lie in this fear. I objectively do finish projects, but they're never "big" enough to count. Those are all just preparation for the real art I'll someday be ready to make. I want to stop thinking this way. How do I be satisfied with little worlds?

I recently began running a Daggerheart campaign. To the surprise of no one a world quickly took shape in my mind. It honestly began to consume my mind. I would fill any idle time thinking about locations, governments, people & creatures who lived there, secrets waiting to uncover, music to accompany the setting. Being able to share this world, even if only with 4 other people, has been extremely cathartic. A world, once only in the clouds of my mind, has finally become a little bit real. However if you asked my wife I bet she would call this obsession "problematic". I'm trying to find the balance.

I've begun thinking about how to share this world to others. I could publish material for other Daggerheart players to us. Or, admittedly more appealing, I could use my own campaign as inspiration for some sort of multimedia project. I deeply want to blend my own writing, music, art, & code together into a complete story. As I type this out I'm reminded of all my other abandoned projects.

One thing I value in myself is being a generalist. I want to be able to do many things well, instead of just one thing very well. I'm drawn to stuff that require that of me, like triathlons & solo game jams. I get to wear many hats.

My swimming is by far my weakest triathlon leg, I want to improve that by getting back into morning pool swims.

I want to become a better artist, I think I'm going to buy this online course. Structure, along with money on the line, helps me stay motivated.

I want to try writing fiction, does running a TTRPG campaign count?

If I just focus on my weaker "hats" and eventually become good at all of them, will I be able to finish bigger things? Or is that just trying to do everything? Will I even be able to find time on my calendar to do the things listed about? I know I need to put family and sabbath before these hobbies.

This "blog post" is really more of a brain dump across a common thread.

It helps to write things out.